A little ironic beauty

i just found this on emails from crazy people.com and i find it quite humorous.

2009-08-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

Devil Worship And Christmas Lights

Posted by White Coat on 3 August 2009 | 207 Outbursts

I’ve always hated the idea of Home Owner’s Associations, so this exchange of letters sent glee through my little, vindictive heart.

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Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX
Boone, NC 28607

Dear Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you as members of the Evergreen Homeowner’s Association about a concern that has occupied all our minds since you moved into this neighborhood. We are a congregate group of good Christian and God fearing people. The display you have set up on the outer section of your lot has us a bit concerned as the statue appears to be a type of Pagan worshipping symbol, unlike the other lawn decorations in our neighborhood. Shirley Whitley, a neighbor of yours says that this is a Satanic being and that you may be involved in the Occult. We have all noticed strange goings on around the neighborhood. There are flashing lights in the sky and numerous dead animals in the road. We understand that you are a homeowner, but if you will read your declaration of restrictions, obscene or vulgar displays on your property are not allowed. We insist that you remove this questionable display at once. Our children are not to be influenced by Devil worship and deviant behavior.

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association
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June 16, 2002

Dear Ardna (IF that’s your real name),

I am addressing the issue of my Gargoyle which the benevolent homeowners association seems to take offense to.

I will NOT be removing my Gargoyle any time soon. A Gargoyle is an ancient protector of property, and can be seen all over Europe in the architectural structure. I guess the homeowners association hasn’t gotten to them yet. My Gargoyle basically looks like a puppy with wings. Does this frighten you? I can only imagine you screaming in fear when the Snuggles fabric softener bear is speaking to you through your evil television set.

I would like to file a formal complaint about several yards in the neighborhood. The guy down at 152 has grass that’s over two feet tall. What’s he growing in there? The woman at 138 has a saddle and stirrups decorating her mailbox. What is that all about? I, for one, am not a cowboy, do not like cowboys and find it horrifying how the cowboys treated the Indians and Tom Landry. That guy was the only coach they ever had. Once they fired him, he died. Was that fair? I find cowboys to be highly offensive. Don’t get me started on the pink flamingos in the Whitley yard.

As for the flashes of light in the sky, that’s lightning, you idiot. Have you noticed at about the same time the wicked sky lights are flashing, there are evil drops of liquid falling from the sky? We are in a drought. I would think rain would make you thankful.

As far as the dead animals go, you idiots don’t know how to drive on the winding mountain roads. That is called ROADKILL. If you will notice, these are squirrels and rabbits that just walk in front of you as you drive down the mountain with your retired tunnelvisionist eyes glaring straight ahead.

We live at the top of this mountain. Your friends and neighbors cannot even see my house for all the trees surrounding it, so there is no need for you to freak out over my lawn stuff. I will not be moving things, so take whatever action you feel is necessary.

See you in hell,

Love,

Chris XXXXX
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Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXX:X
Boone, NC 28607

October 25, 2002

Dear Mr .and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you again, not on the issue of your gargoyle, which you are determined not to remove from display in our neighborhood, but on the issue of your Christmas lights.

Are you aware that it is not yet November? You apparently put up Christmas lights the second week of this month and insist on plugging them in nightly. We can all see your glowing display late into the night over the mountain horizon. It is keeping several of us awake at night and we do not appreciate such flagrant non-adherence to the Association rules. Page six of your Homeowner’s Association guidelines specifically states that the neighborhood shall remain seasonal, with holiday displays not to be presented in a period greater than two weeks prior or after said holiday.

Your lights are a distraction to visitors. An acquaintance who works at Boone Airport has said that your lights are obnoxious and a turn-off to visitors who land at the airport. If this is an attempt to retaliate against us for the gargoyle incident, we are becoming increasingly annoyed with your behavior. Legal action may be necessary to either A) force you to move out of our
once peaceful neighborhood or B) obtain a court ordered fine for your continuing defiance of our rules and regulations.

If you think we will back down on this issue, as we did on the issue of your gargoyle, you are sadly mistaken.

In addition, we are disturbed by the constant removal of trees from your property. Sunday morning is not a proper time for you to operate your chainsaw. Our community prides itself on the beautiful forestry that surround our neighborhood and we are determined to stop you from ruining the scenery. Please leave our trees alone!

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association
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November 4, 2002

Dear Ardna (I just can’t believe that is your name),

I AM aware of the date. If this neighborhood is like the last one I lived in, you will not be putting up lights at all, no matter what the date is. The last neighborhood, I was the only house on the street to put up lights, as it is Siberian-like weather here in December, perhaps the reason no one puts up lights.

Why do you care that my lights are up? Again, I live at the top of the mountain and nobody can even see my house. If it keeps you awake at night, close your freakin’ windows and quit peering out them like Mrs. Kravitz. I am not up here for your amusement. If you want a show, I will be I glad to give you one on New Year’ s Eve, otherwise, QUIT LOOKIN’ MY WAY .

I will not be taking down my lights because of your meek little letter, as it took me 10 days to put them all up. Page six of the guidelines also is the reference page that my gargoyle fell into. I am officially tearing page six out of my guidelines and wiping my ass with it. I will then post it to the tree nearest my mailbox for all your visitors to see. Feel free to take it down and examine it or use it as evidence against my in your little lawsuit.

Did someone really fly into Boone International Airport? Did they really complain about my lights? If so, then I obtained my goal. Someone noticed my lights and I gave the one person who flies into that parking lot something to go home and tell their friends about. Why did you back off on my gargoyle? Did someone tell you your letter to me, coming off as an inbred Christian fanatic was posted all over the internet, and read by many, many people? I got more feedback from people I don’t even know telling me to sue YOU for civil rights violations than you would know.

As for the trees I plunked down $140,000.00 for this house and the acre of property that goes with it. These are MY trees, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about what you think about me cutting them down. Aren’t you in church on Sunday Morning, rescuing the world from
gargoyle-bearing heathens? The way I see it, this is the BEST time for me to cut down my trees. There are over 300 trees on my property and I will cut them all down if I wish. Then you will have a better view of my house, my gargoyle and my feces smeared page six of the Homeowner’s Association rules and regulations nailed to the one tree I will leave standing.

Oh, and I’m not done putting up lights yet. Enjoy.

As always, love,

Chris XXXXX
The Satan loving, electricity burning tree killer.

Via: Haley C and The WVSR

List of love.

2009-07-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

animals

art shows

badminton

being a kid

black and white photos

calenders

cheez-its

children's books

chivalry

converse all stars

daisies

dark room prints

disney

edgar allen poe

family

fashion

feathers

friends

gold fish crackers

hats

high heels

kaleidoscopes

knee high socks

photography

mod podge

music

naps

nature

ocean

office depot

office supplies

old books

old etiquette books

old jewelry

old trucks

painting

photo strip booths

plaid

play-doh

polka dots

poppies

postcards

post it notes

purses

quotations

rubber duckies

sand

scrap booking

shoes

sleeping in

space

starbucks

stars

staying up late

stuffed animals

sunflowers

sunsets

taking things apart

thunderstorms

toys

train tracks

trees

umbrellas

Things i have come to realize.

2009-06-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize that my hair.....will never look the way i want, and that's okay.

I've come to realize that when I'm driving.... I am very competitive, and that's not good. lol

I've come to realize that I need...... friends, as long as they are happy. . . . and i have some freaking amazing ones that help me find apples! ;)

I've come to realize that my heart...... Is mine, i don't give it away easily. . . falling in love is going to take a lot.

I've come to realize that I hate it when...... people are grumpy! I HATE GRUMPY PEOPLE!

I've come to realize that when I'm mad....... i guess i show it. . . i thought i was good at covering it up, but I'm never really mad, so why does it matter?

I've come to realize that cash....... stays in my wallet for far to short a time. . . . i cant hold on to it.

I've come to realize that certain people.......make me smile no matter what. . . .

I've come to realize that I'll never be.......what i thought i might be when i was little.

I've come to realize that drugs....... are just a silly silly thing to do.

I've come to realize that the perfect boyfriend....... isn't perfect for everyone, but i like mine, so that's all that counts.

I've come to realize that my cell phone.......is always with me, no matter how much i hate the fact that i rely on it that much.

I've come to realize when i wake up......I'm never truly awake for at least 45 min.

I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep..... I was at K-mart with Christina laughing uncontrollably on the ground because of 4 words.

I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about.....why i was so grumpy tonight! there was no reason for it! :(

I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook......I'm on it way to much, and i need to get rid of my computer for at least a week. . . i think everyone on the US needs to go with out technology for one week!

I've come to realize that yesterday......was Sunday, and i slept in, and missed a commitment, and got nothing done.

I've come to realize that today....... I did nothing productive, and i met new people!

I've come to realize that tonight......I will be going to bed shortly. . . if i can get off my computer.

I've come to realize that tomorrow....... i will be at work from 11 to 5:30, and i will more than likely get nothing done again.

I've come to realize that I really want.......to not procrastinate any more!

I've come to realize that I love........ A lot of people, but it will take a heck of a lot to make me fall "in love". . .. I don't fall in love easy or fast.

I've come to realize that this past weekend.......was slightly disappointing, but a couple of people made if worth while!

I've come to realize the best music to listen to.......is the kind that has a meaning to you in it!

I've come to realize that some friends....... are always there to drive me around in "our" car, and be completely idiotic with me!

I've come to realize that this year........was hard, really hard, and i have come a really long way!

I've come to realize that I will always....... Be generally happy! love my life, and love my friends forever!

I've come to realize that time...... never stops, so make what you can with what you have! :)

I've come to realize that you can't...... Go thru life sad, find something that makes you happy, and stick with it!

I've come to realize that my parents......are the coolest parents i know! and i love them so much.

I've come to realize that an education........is extremely important, and the subject of a lot of fights.

I've come to realize that relationships........are everywhere!

I've come to realize that jobs.......all must suck! I have it lucky, and i still don't like it!

I've come to realize that children........are a lot more difficult than i would have thought last year. . . . . I'm not having them for an extremely LONG time!

I've come to realize that siblings........are fun! and i kinda like em!

I've come to realize that the world........needs to go back in time 100 years, and think about things!

I've come to realize that men.......are manly. . . and CODA! haha

I've come to realize that I.......Am always happy! hate grumpy people, well i hate people in general! Am never going to do what i really want to do, and I'm okay with that. . . and i don't really have any complaints! I'm down right lucky!